“What makes a great lover?”

“First of all, it is a man who can satisfy one woman over a lifetime. And it is a man who can be satisfied with one woman for a lifetime.”

To have a lasting marriage of oneness and intimacy, we and our spouse must be committed to meeting each other’s physical and emotional needs for a lifetime. One of these is romance.

We need fire in our marriages. Usually the problem is that within the first year or two after the wedding ceremony, something happens in most marriages. Those romantic flames which sparkled like fireworks during courtship seem to crumble into faint, glowing embers.

What is it about marriage that seems to douse our romantic creativity? At some point in almost every marriage, a couple realizes that they just don’t experience the same romantic feelings they once enjoyed.

Someone once remarked, ” The period of courtship is like an exciting introduction to a dull book.”

For a continuous romantic love in your marriage relationship, pay attention to those things that tends to “douse” out the “fire and sparkle” of love :

  • Wrong priorities.
  • Young kids who wear you out that left you with little energy for romance.
  • Teenagers who won’t go to bed.
  • Financial pressures.
  • Changing seasons of a marriage.
  • Poor health.
  • Hectic schedules.
  • Unrealistic expectations.
  • A critical spirit.
  • Unresolved conflict.

Apathy is one of the most dangerous element that destroys a marriage, albeit silently. If you truly are committed to making your marriage last for a lifetime and to enjoy the type of oneness God has intended for us, you need to make a choice to commit some time and energy to keeping romance in your marriage.

To put that spark back into your marriage, here are three suggestions :

First, identify the elements stealing your romance and make plans for how to face and overcome them. For example, many couples with young children could find more time together simply by establishing more routine in their homes and putting the kids to bed earlier.

Second, discover how your spouse views romance. Men and women usually see romance through different lenses. For example, most men will describe physical intimacy as ” Dressing in a sexy negligee.” Women, on the other hand, will say, “A romantic, candle-lit dinner,” or “Spend time talking to each other.”  Men by nature are motivated by sight and touch, while women want to focus on the relation aspects of marriage.

There are four basic categories that are important in charting your romantic heart – education, body image, romantic gestures, and sexual satisfaction.

Third, take the time to plan something creative. Do something differently, out of the ordinary, something that will capture your spouse’s attention and communicate romance in the language he or she understands.